So it has been decades since I have wrote on this blog, so...

​Hello. Hi. How are you? I'm swell.

 

In my absence I have:

• Got accepted to Pace University and will being going to NYC.

• Decided I am going to Mexico at the end of June.

• Become a legal adult (or will be on Tuesday, but basically, I already am. Those 35 hours mean nothing.

• Finished two book series 

• Pierced my nose (well, made the decision to, will do so on Tuesday, so more on that later)

• Become a vegetarian (excuse me, PESCAtarian)

• Lost roughly fifteen pounds

• Made it through over half of my senior year

• Obtained a collection of lamb paraphernalia

• Only one of the previously mentioned aquatic sperm (baby fish) has survived thus far. 

So I've been a bit busy. 

 

Now. Onto the point I would like to make today.

 

There are many mysteries in life I will never comprehend.

How the next tissue in the box pops up after I grab one. 

Why the word "lisp" has an "s" in it. 

Why we say geese as plural for goose, but we don't say meese for moose. 

Why the alphabet is in that order. Why does "A" get to be first and not "J"?

The whole fundamental principle behind erasers.

What would happen if I couldn't find the self-help books by myself...?

 

The largest life mystery I will never comprehend is situational irony.

(For those of you who are not English nerds such as I, dictionary.com says:

Noun: irony involving a situation in which actions have an effect that is opposite from what was intended, so that the outcome is contrary to what was expected.)

 

Life is full of this. It is an indisputable fact: if you are in a hurry, some incapable nitwit will decide to cut you off and then proceed to drive approximately 20 mph below the speed limit. 

 

If you feel well rested, no need for a nap: the house will be quiet, restful, perfectly serene.

​Feeling tired, want to take a quick snooze: county fireworks go off, the neighbor decides to target shoot outside, and all the neighborhood dogs begin to bark the anthem of their people. 

 

Don't wear make-up one day: uneventful, averagely good day (however, at least eight people ask you if you're sick or feeling upset, no. My eyes just aren't circled in dark mysterious goo).

Wear make-up: cry like your mother has been murdered, take four water balloons to the face, indoor sprinkler system malfunctions, and it record breaking rain pours.

 

Try to look nice: See no one you know, nothing happens, no compliments, just an average trip to town.

Look like a hot-mess to run up to Wal-Greens: high school reunion in the parking lot, run into your exboyfriend and your pastor while holding Benadryl and tampons. 

 

So well played, Universe.

You win. 

 

-Fairfarren, Dear Ones.