A woman's purse is an enigma and men are correct to fear it and its contents.

 

When I was little, I would stare into my grandmother's bag in awe and wonderment.

Key chains and bubble gum, an umbrella and lipstick, snacks and money.

How so many things could come from such a bag so small, my mind could not comprehend.

 

Now, as a grown woman with my own purse, I completely understand.

 

I almost envy men, all carefree with their license and cash, folded neatly in a leather square in their back pocket...whereas my purse is like a hoarder's wonderland.

 

I never know what I'm going to need and when I will need it, so I, not unlike a superhero, am prepared for nearly anything and everything.  

 

At any given moment, my purse will contain items such as, but not limited to.......

• Play-dough (because I'm fidgety and need to occupy my hands)

• A lighter/flashlight combo that resembles a gun (because it's awesome and why not?!)

• Gum and an innumerable amount of gum wrappers

• Beads from some form of broken jewelry

• Enough hair pins to properly style Rapunzel's mane of locks

• Pens/pencils in various conditions (some broken, others empty, and that sole ballpoint that works)

• A moleskin notebook (Because I'm Harriet the Spy)

• My wallet (filled with old receipts and enough change to ride that horse in Meijer, like, 40 times)

• A wrapped tea bag (...just in case, you know, I happen to acquire a cup of piping hot water)

• A flashlight in the shape of a small light saber 

• Clean pair of obnoxiously patterned socks

• Lotion or hand sanitizer (of which the lid has loosened, spilling its contents into the bottom of my bag)

• A can of hair spray (with its nozzle cemented closed by many uses)

• Keys for houses in which I no longer live

• Three tubes of lipstick (one broken, and two of the same color)

• Some form of snack (crushed cereal bar, squished strip of fruit leather, etc.)

 

However, at any given moment, my purse will most likely not contain.......

• Bandages or any other form of first aid assistance

• Tissues

• My inhaler

• My phone

• My current house key

• Other miscellaneous items of genuine use

 

I'd like to think Mary Poppins would be exceedingly proud of my ability to stuff so many things into my woven Mexican satchel; true, none of these items are as useful as a lamp or, I don't know, money, but still. 

 

Fairfarren, Dear Ones.