I can honestly say, I don't think I've ever been told a story by my mother that has been this...risqué...or has made me feel this uncomfortable.

Like, avoid eye contact with everyone at church for the next eight years uncomfortable.

 

This past Saturday, my mother attended a women's event, where various venders set up little booths and such with various womanly paraphernalia, everything from jewelry to Pampered Chef.

 

My mother and her boss were blessed with a sample of lotion.

That was whipped and smelled like sherbet...

 

That Sunday, in church mind you, my mother decided her hands were existentially dry, so she decided to indulge herself by using her new lotion.

Which she found had a very odd consistency, but intoxicating smell.

Apparently, this lotion, um, soaked in. Rather quickly.

Therefore, she decided to use it again.

For the second time.

In church.

During praise and worship.

Surrounded by other church-going, Jesus-loving folks.

 

When she arrived at work on Monday, she was met with a question by her boss:

"So, Wendy, did you enjoy your creamy lubricant sample?"

 

....The lotion sample my mother used, in church, was not just oddly liquid-y, super smelly lotion.

But was in fact whipped, sherbet, lubricant.

Made by PureRomance.

A fact she seemingly overlooked while applying generous amounts of it on her hands in public.

 

 

So, a word of advice to everyone:

Read it before you wear it.

 

Or you could end up smearing lube on your hands in church.

 

 

Fairfarren, Dear Ones.

(P.S. She blames this mistake on intricate, distracting packaging.)